“X3: g14 Divided”
Posted May 27th, 2006 by jeff in CommentsWow. So that was X-Men 3: The Last Stand. And this is my review.
To start with, when it comes to the X-Men, I’m your worst nightmare. I can barely remember my middle name most of the time, but I could probably tell you the content of every single one of Chris Claremont’s original run on Uncanny X-Men. I still remember a lot of events in my life by what issue of X-Men I bought that day. Seriously, some scary shit. So, I was really pretty delighted with the way Bryan Singer handled the first two X-films (that’s films, to the X-Treme! SNIKT SNIKT! BAMF!).
I’m going to warn you up front– Matthew is going to disagree with me on this, so I’m going to make an effort to write an intelligent, mature review. So I’d like to start out by saying “THPPPPT!!!!” to Brett Ratner.
X3 could have been a decent film. It was rushed to market in an apparent effort to beat DC comics new Superman film (helmed, oddly enough, by Bryan Singer) to market. And it shows. The script needed a big old polish– the dialogue was piss-poor and the plot lacked subtlety. Things happened, just so they could happen.
Okay, now on to the spoiler portion of this. So, if you intend to see this film, and want to be surprised by what’s coming, don’t read any more.
If you consider the X films to be a trilogy, then I actually applaud the balls that Marvel had to kill off some major players (sort of) in the X-Men pantheon. Cyclops death at the hands of Jean Grey should have a GREAT deal of emotional resonance, yet they barely even touched on what impact that had on her character, much less on the rest of the X-Men.
The death of Prof. X was one of the more emotional points of the film to me, and I actually think it was probably the high point of the whole thing. I just wish they had capitalized on it a little more.
So, that’s the positive part of my review. Now on to the rest. Remember how I said that the movie was rushed to market? Well, it shows. A great example is a scene where Magneto has just ripped the Golden Gate Bridge in half and used it to go from the mainland to Alcatraz so that his mutant army can cross and get to the Maguffin. It’s broad day-light. In the VERY NEXT CUT, it is full night. No indication of anything having held up the mutant army crossing the bridge. Nope, it’s just night-time. So, in an effort to help “bridge” this continuity gap for our loyal readers, I’d like to propose the following scene for the Director’s Cut:
MAGNETO (to Phoenix): You know what? These X-Men have kind of fucked with us in the last couple of films. Let’s do something to mess ‘em up just a little.
PHOENIX: How about… you know, in the comics, I ate a sun orbitted by a planet populated with people that look like broccoli, so how about I…
MAGNETO: Jesus Christ, woman. Just make it night or something. Wolverine will piss himself. The best at what he does, my ass.
PHOENIX (grumbling to self): I knew I should have stayed dead. I got better treatment from Chuck Austen.
Awwwww… sweet continuity editing.
On to other things: a number of friends geekier than I (I’m looking at you, Ho) have pointed out some differences between the comic and the film. Such as Juggernaut isn’t a mutant in the comic. Leech should actually be a GREEN bald kid with little lighter green warts all over his head and a pink buddy who can’t talk but projects his thoughts as pictures in the comic, and is just a bald kid in the movie. Or that… wait a minute. I think we have bigger problems than all that. Like the dialogue for example. Pretty heavyhanded, you say? Who am I to disagree, old friend?
And the music? Usually, I only take note of good music, and mediocre music just washes over me and I forget it before the movie is even over. Surprisingly, this really stuck with me. It was baaaaaaad. If you have any questions, reference the scene where Angel flies away after leaving daddy-dearest’s evil clutches. I’m not actually entirely sure why Angel was in this movie. It kind of felt like fluff.
Ok. I’m done ranting now. Matthew, please bring a counter-point to the table. Anyone who has seen the film besides myself, please chime in. Dave, be funny. Kelli, pretend you’ve seen it, and make something up.
The End…Or is it?
That’s right, stick around after the credits and you’ll see the most gratuitous little piece of film that’s been around in a while. Remember where I said that killing Prof. X was the most emotionally resonant bit in the film. Well, I guess not. Or is it…?
November 30th, 1999 at 12:00 am
Listen here Jeff!!!! You can say what you want about X3, but remember this. Bill ‘Motherfucking’ Duke lended his awesomeness!!!!!!!!! One of the greatest character actors of our time, next to Ned Beatty.
“Over here….”
November 30th, 1999 at 12:00 am
Gavin is right. Quite frankly, Bill Duke and R. Lee Emery’s voice make this movie well worth the price of admission.
Okay, I think that Jeff is expecting me to come on and counter everything he is saying about X3. However, I think most of what he talks about are valid points. Unfortunately, I see more and more how some fine tuning (…or major re-working, as the case may be) of a script could help a movie through the entire process.
To me, X3 wasn’t all that bad. Was it as kick ass as X2? Well, no. Singer has a real knack for character development, and when it’s a good comic, that’s what X-Men is all about. However, unlike Jeff, I felt that most of the characters here were pretty true to what’s been set up. It’s funny, because I think that the relationship between Xavier and Magneto is more clear here than it’s been in any of the other films. Magneto is clearly disturbed by Xavier’s death and credit to Ian McKellan (and Patrick Stewart) for really getting across how these two still cared deeply for one another despite their obvious differences. Mystique is great in this movie, even when she “may be” a traitor to Magneto. Hank McCoy, “Oh my Stars and Garters!” Awesome.
Uhm, then there’s Wolverine and Storm. Wow. Now, it’s great that I can say that Hugh Jackman is so good as Logan that he even nails it through most of the piss poor dialogue that the character has been given in this film. However, it’s a shame that the character has been pretty nuetered here. After Xavier dies, Logan is the one who is on his knees crying? Uhm, no. But in the funeral scene, he’s off watching from the trees, smoking a cigar with a hard ass look. Uh, yes! Storm…well…I think it’s sad that they decided to go with Halle Berry from the get go. We all say that Angela Basset should have played Storm. And ten - fifteen years ago, that would have been true. Now? Uhm, Gina Torres anyone?
I think that Jeff and other people who didn’t really like the flick saw the moments there that were good, and wished those could have carried through. Maybe I just liked it more because I wasn’t expecting a whole lot, and some of those moments really…really nailed it. But yeah, I could see how it would be frustrating for some people to watch.
Okay, here’s an example. They really push hard this idea of mutants as terrorists in the movie. Great! In the comics, Dark Phoenix eats a planet (…or something to that effect, ask Jeff, he knows). How cool would it have been if, after killing Xavier, Jean just wipes out that whole neighborhood? Or city? It would really add to the metaphor of mutant terrorism, it would give a subtle nod to what happened in the comics, it would seriously up the stakes, plus…it would give Bill Duke more screen time to confer with the president on what had happened. Everyone wins. There are a few places like that where things could have been pushed a lot farther, and I think they could’ve pulled it off.
So, that’s what disappointed me about the movie, but it didn’t disappoint me so much that I didn’t enjoy it overall. It’s worth a matinee at least, especially if you like popcorn flicks and explosions. And hey, titties even run free, although for the most part, they are blue and covered in scales.
When is g14 going to do X4? Dave, isn’t that why you’re up in New York? To get in with Marvel and make that happen? How’s that coming along?
Matthew
-Oh, and yeah…that score was just…uhm…overwhelming. And not in a good way. It was very nice music, but…a little overbearing.
November 30th, 1999 at 12:00 am
Gina Torres! Now that’s what I’m talking about! F*ck Halle Berry in her underperforming ass (has this become a less kid-friend blog because of me?). Woo-hoo!
I actually agree with Matthew that the relationship between Magneto and Prof. X shone as one of the better elements of this film. The obvious caring despite their differences in one of those things that I think has been consistently handled well throughout all three films. I gotta give props to Ian McKellan as the perfect Magneto, even when he doesn’t have much to work with, as in this film.
Matthew quasi-references something he and I spoke about, but I don’t think I put it in my original post– I don’t feel that most of the characters behaved in ways that were appropriate to what was set up in the first few films. An obvious one, which I previously mentioned, was the lack of concern people seemed to have about Scott Summers’ death. Seriously. He’s like uber-X-Man that everyone respected. And JEAN LOVED. LOVED. In this, it just felt like Ratner wanted to get it out of the way so he could hook up Logan and Jean.
Additionally, I was disappointed with the way they handled Magneto throughout the Mystique depowering thing. Despite all of the flaws that are written into his character (arrogance, inability to connect, and, uh, homo superiority complex), Magneto has always been a compassionate character. He does what he does because he believes it to be right. I can get behind the idea that he might abandon Mystique once she’s plain old Raven Darkholme (that’s right, I know the character’s name!). I just can’t get behind the idea that he’d do it so casually or callously.
This time, though, I’m going to end on a positive note. I was surprised by how much I enjoyed Kelsey Grammar as Hank McCoy, aka The Beast. I think he nailed the role, and it wasn’t overwritten like it could have been.
Oh yeah… did I mention that shitty scene after the credits that ruined the emotional climax of Xavier’s death? Guess I’m not ending on a positive note.
November 30th, 1999 at 12:00 am
Uhhh…Jeff, you know that the Harry trailer on the site has the word ‘fuck’ in it like three times. When did g14 become a kid friendly site?
Serioulsy, Brian, if your kids are visiting the site, then it’s time to have a chat about parenting.
Matthew
November 30th, 1999 at 12:00 am
Of course, now the people have spoken, and X3 KILLED at the box office.
$107 - $120 Million? Wow. I really didn’t it was going to do that well…
Damn. A Brett Ratner movie? Really?
Matthew
November 30th, 1999 at 12:00 am
I think I’m going to lean towards Jeff on this one (and no I’m not _pretending_ that I saw the movie, I really did! This weekend no less! Part of the 100+million throngs at the theatre!).
I really came to love the character Jean Grey and the idea of Phoenix from the other films. I was very sad that they sat there and kept talking about how powerful Phoenix was, but they didn’t DO anything with her! Yeah the end was neat, but you know what, it sucked. Logan got to her cuz love triumphs all? Bullshit. Oh he killed her then? Oh how sad, wah wah wah! She could have AT LEAST demolished San Francisco first! Brett Ratner is a big fat wuss and his movie was a big disappointment. And Halle Berry can go suck it cuz, well she sucks. More powerful women characters, Storm more involved…whatever. And Halle, you can call that a racist moment if you want honey.
Did I mention that I was disappointed by X3? :)
November 30th, 1999 at 12:00 am
My 2 cents:
Cyclops. I think they got rid of him because he signed up to do Singer’s Superman and Roth-Man got pissed and decreedto dump him early. Its a shame. Think of how much more emotionally resonent it would have been if Scott stepped up to take over the X-Men and not Storm. Comic Storm… awesome. Movie Storm… well, you know what happens to a toad when hit by lightning? Its time to write Storm the right way. BUT, we never actually see Jean kill Scott and they never find a body. They just assume he is gone. Start a new triology with Scott front and center.
Prof X - death and beyond. I agree that the relationship between Professor X and Magneto is fairly well defined. BUT, with the exception of those scenes when Magneto is talking to or about Charles, he is a paper thin heavy. Blah. Magneto is better than that. BUT, as far as Xavier ‘dying’ and being ‘resurrected’ - that happens in the comics every five years… um, House of M. Same with Pheonix. So, whatever.
Misc. - Angel? Why? Whay purpose does he serve. Really?
Kitty Pryde. Why not more?
Iceman and Rogue? I don’t know. I just don’t know.
Overall, there were fun moments. Cool things happened. I just remeber thinking it should have been cooler to watch. Instead, it felt rushed and worst of all, sloppy. Stop bringing in new characters you don’t have time to develop. I really want a stripped down X-Men film next. FOcus on a small group and just tell a kick ass story. Don’t make it huge or a spectical. Make it great.
As far as getting in with Marvel… damned if I’m not trying.
November 30th, 1999 at 12:00 am
Not just trying man! I know you’re working it like a pimp! You pimp that House of Ideas like it was your bitch! What should we send to Axel (Alonso, head editor over at Marvel) next? Any thoughts from anyone else on what Dave and I should write for Marvel Comics?
Matthew
November 30th, 1999 at 12:00 am
Hey good point about the Kitty Pryde (did you spell that right?), Rogue & Iceman love triangle. Um, did Rogue really get rid of her powers? WTF? Though honestly, Iceman & Kitty are much cuter together. And whatever happened to Anna Paquin’s super southern accent from the first movie? Has she just been in NY for too long? I hear it does terrible things to a person…and their vocal inflections.
And yeah, Angel - you’re right, he had no purpose except that they got to put wings on someone. So no “flap flap” should be added to the “snikt snikt bamf…” I forgot the other one…. Sigh.
November 30th, 1999 at 12:00 am
Come on… it was a decent flick. It had supery-d-duper special effects. A little too much going on, sure. Some skimpy characterization. Missed opportunities, yeah, of course. But, it was decent — certainly worth watching and better than a lot of big superhero/action films. It was the first film in the trilogy that I actually dug Wolverine. Storm sucks, sure, but she has nifty hair. I don’t see how anyone could say a bad word about Magneto. If you take into account the entire trilogy, Magneto’s character was pretty well-realized, much moreso than most villains in fantasy/adventure films, and I really enjoyed Mckellan’s performance. Angel was unnecessary, I agree. Kitty Pride? Eh… Iceman? Kinda weak. Rogue? I enjoy, though certainly the accent should have been there. But, I guess what I’m saying is this: the whole was well more than the sum of its many, many, many parts. I sat back and enjoyed it well enough.
But, not as much as A Good Corporate Citizen, which I saw yesterday!! Kelly, you rule, but I’m a little frightened of you now.
Anyway, take all of my comments with a giant grain of salt, because I’m the guy that really dug Fantastic Four. And I always preferred Daredevil, Ghost Rider, Deathlok, and Silver Surfer to X-men, as far as Marvel Comics go. (Except for the early, early X-men stuff… and the multi-ethnic relaunch in the 70’s. Those were da chill phat-ass bomb, biatch)
November 30th, 1999 at 12:00 am
Don’t be scared of me…you know I don’t know how to use my claws. :) Except when I’m hungry or tired…or both. LOVE!
November 30th, 1999 at 12:00 am
Sean, always remember to spell Kelli’s name with an ‘i’, or else I may not be able to contain the massive fury that is Audibert. I don’t want you to go through that, I don’t want to go through it. Glad you liked the 48 hour flick though!
And hell yes! GHOOOOOOOST RIIIIIIIDER…..MOTOR-CYCLE…HEEEERO! Jeff and I are going to see it on opening night, along with The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift. Isn’t that right Jeff?
Seriously though, after seeing the trailer attached to X3, I am psyched about Ghost Rider!! Goddamn, Ghost Rider looks kick ass!!
Matthew
November 30th, 1999 at 12:00 am
YIKES! I should know better… Sorry, Kelli.
Btw, does anybody else remember hearing at some point in some comic, that of all the people in the Marvel Universe, that Beast has the largest c*ck?? (Except for Galactus, obviously)
Maybe I just created this memory in my head, but somewhere I thought I heard something about Hank McCoy being hung like a real beast.
Annywaaay…
Shawn
November 30th, 1999 at 12:00 am
Uhm…yeah…
Let’s give it up for Brodie Bruce, from “Mallrats” everyone!
Next thing you know he’ll be asking if Bryan Singer plans to address Superman’s super sperm blowing a whole right through Lois. Ah yes, Superman Returns is going to be great.
…That is what it’s about right?
Yikes.
Matthew
November 30th, 1999 at 12:00 am
How about a new entry, folks? If I could log in, I would do it myself. . . If you need a suggestion about something to write about, here’s one: The Break Up opened this weekend. Anyone? Anyone?
November 30th, 1999 at 12:00 am
You guys (and gal) are lucky that I don’t have a lot of patience when it comes to typing out long-winded and highly opinionated rants about crappy movies. Ugh.
- Can someone please explain to me WTF was the point of moving the Golden Gate Bridge over to Alcatraz? They have a ferry, you know. Not as dramatic? Was Peter Jackson hired as some kind of CG cinematographer? “Psst. Hey Brett. Know what would be utterly pointless, have nothing at all to do with the story, yet would look totally bitchin’ to all the kids? My computer guys have been looking for work since King Kong tanked, and I have an idea…”. And mutant or not, if you were riding on a huge slab of steel and concrete like a magic carpet over to Alcatraz, and Magneto dropped it 100 feet to the ground, YOU AND EVERY CAR ON THE FUCKING BRIDGE WOULD END UP IN A BIG PILE OF STEEL AND BODIES. You wouldn’t be just standing there with a look on you face like “Oh, gee, I guess we’re here. Thanks, Big M.”. Craptacular.
- Colossus is my all-time favorite X-Man, and he was totally wasted in this movie. Considering what they can do with CG effects nowadays (NOW where the fuck is Peter Jackson?), the end result was total crap. No wonder he didn’t get much screen time. And Brett, the guy’s got two whole lines, one of which was “She left.”. Make him say them in a Russian accent for chrissakes. Hell, I could fucking do that.
- That Danger Room sequence was lame, so very lame. If they could have managed to put a Sentinel in the movie somehow, that would have been bad ass, but instead all we got were two Volkswagen headlights in the smoke, then a dumb styrofoam-looking head flying out at us. And did Wolverine ride it out somehow? Dumb.
- Angel: pointless.
- I guess they did Best justice, sorta. He still just looked like a guy in makeup in the close-ups.
- The way they approached Phoenix was understandable, but they would have been better off not calling her Phoenix at all. A Bi-polar telekenetic mutant would not have given herself a cool name like ‘Phoenix’. All the comic nerds would have understood what the jist of her ‘condition’ was and the n00bs wouldn’t have cared.
- Boy, Magneto sure did cast off Mystique pretty damn quickly and easly, didn’t he? She was wasted in this movie.
- I can’t believe he actually said “I’m the Juggernaut, bitch!”. Dumb. But at least Kitty was cute.
- The Phoenix effects were fairly well done, what there were of them. She did look pretty scary and creepy when necessary.
Bah, I’m done. At least until I see you guys and I can complain about it to your faces.
November 30th, 1999 at 12:00 am
Where is the angry chef mother-fucker!!!!!!!
November 30th, 1999 at 12:00 am
Hey, I actually caught Matthew on a typo!
“Next thing you know he’ll be asking if Bryan Singer plans to address Superman’s super sperm blowing a whole right through Lois. Ah yes, Superman Returns is going to be great. ”
Shouldn’t that be “hole right through Lois”….
Not a sermon, just a thought!
November 30th, 1999 at 12:00 am
YO! BUSTED BITCH! BOO-YA!
And to prove that proofreading is for suckers - I didn’t have to find your mistake, Ballz! I had your lady do it for me! Now who looks foolish?
Daivd C.White
November 30th, 1999 at 12:00 am
I just had to chime in on the X3 stuff…it’s the only movie I’ve been able to see since the birth of Abby G.
Anyway, X3 was a huge disappointment for me. X-Men is one of the few comics I actually read fairly consistantly gorowing up and I have grown to love a great number of the characters. This movie hurt me deep inside with it’s lack of regard for some of the characters. I had been wondering what James Marsden had done for the writers to decide kill off Cyclops in the first 20 minutes of the film, but Dave seems to have shed some light on that. That whole thing was awful!! So maybe Halle Berry and Hugh Jackman were the profit-makers for the franchise and got lots of money to be the two big stars of this third installment, but Cyclops is the soul and conscience of the team and the natural leader after Xavier. Sure he’s the “boy scout” of the team, but thank goodness someone is!! Cyclops had been a well-written character in the first movie, but they even wasted him in X2. It makes me cry…
Don’t even get me started on Halle Berry as Storm…worst casting ever. I never liked her in the role and she never really nailed the character even once. I never had one of those moments when I really felt connected to her. I mean, there are so many great moments of perfect character realization (especially in the first X-Men movie) for Cyclops, Prof X, Magneto, Wolverine, Rogue, and even Iceman in the second film. Hell, even Mystique has a couple good moments, and she only has like 3 lines in each movie. Storm never really comes off the screen for me. She’s dull! How did she get to be one of the focal characters in the third movie? Because she’s played by Halle Berry. Stupid!
With so many already established characters from the frist two movies, why did they practically throw away Rogue and kill off Cyclops and Prof X to make room for the likes of Angel, Kitty, and Colossus? Don’t get me wrong, Colossus is one of my favorite characters and I DID love the use of the Fastball Special in the movie, but they should have used him more in the second movie to establish him better. And Angel and Kitty were basically placed in the movie to provide reasons for the other characters actions. Kitty has one of the best mutant powers, but why wait until movie three to bring her in?
One good character introduction was Beast. I was skeptical of Kelsey Grammer and still think he was a little too old for the role, but he played it well. He had the polished grace and dry wit of the Beast I love from the comics.
Anyway, there were a few genuine moments, such as Magneto’s dismay at Prof X’s demise. Sadly, it was one of Magneto’s only true moments in the film. And despite his very short time alive, Cyclops was fairly true to form. Hope and despair drive him out to the lake and he shows both well. He breaks my heart.
But anyway, I could go on and on (and maybe I will later). I’m glad I went to the movie, but sad that it did not live up to the first two films. What a letdown at the end of it’s run. And that’s my two cents…
Dawn
November 30th, 1999 at 12:00 am
Sometimes, I look at my sister and wonder how we emerged from the same womb. Then, I read something like that and I am reminded that we are both pretty geeky in amazing ways. I can’t wait until Abby G is old enough for X-Men and comics and shecan geek out with her fam. Also, I would like to point out that Dawn misspelled ‘first’. See, its hereditary. F spellcheck in the A!
DCW